Self-compassion
- Abigail vd Westhuyzen
- Dec 10, 2018
- 3 min read
Updated: Dec 11, 2018
The human race has an underlying need to measure everything. Measurement is our accepted means of evaluating progress (or lack thereof). As the awareness around mental health grows, so develops the discussion surrounding its assessment. For many years self-esteem was regarded as the gold-standard measuring stick but recent years have shown arguments arising in objection to its suitability.
Self-esteem, which is centered around the evaluation of self-worth, be it self-evaluation or evaluation by others but it is based on judgements and comparisons. While low self-esteem has been linked to a number of negative psychological effects, it has also been shown to be highly resistant to change. Furthermore, even high self-esteem has shown negative correlations such as self-absorption, prejudice and distortion of self-knowledge to name but a few. For this reason, academic minds have come to propose alternatives for measuring one’s state of mental health and relationship with self.
Enter self-compassion. Self-compassion is an ancient Buddhist philosophy that is based on three main pillars: self-kindness – showing understanding towards self in trying times rather than overly harsh and judgement; common humanity – perceiving one’s experiences as part of a larger human experience rather than isolated incidences; and mindfulness – non-judgemental awareness of one’s thoughts and emotions which avoids over-identification or dissociation with events and experiences.
What is Self-compassion?
The definition has been linked to the broader definition of compassion, which means to show understanding and connectedness to the hardships of others with the hope of alleviating this pain. It also lends itself to the fallibility of humankind in its non-judgemental approach to the errors and wrong-doings of others. Self-compassion therefor means to connect rather than dissociate from personal feelings of pain and turmoil and to show kindness rather than harsh criticism and judgement to one’s short-comings and downfalls. While the concern might be that a principle such as self-compassion could lead to negative consequences similar to those seen with high self-esteem (e.g. egotism, narcissism etc), the opposite is in fact seen. Coming to view our pitfalls and failures as part of the greater human fallibility and acknowledging that all people – self included – are worthy of compassion allows a growth of compassion for others, rather than deflation thereof.
What is self-compassion not?
Self-compassion is not the same as self-pity, where individuals often feel a clear disconnect from community based on the belief that no one could possibly be able to relate to them or understand what it is they are going through.
Self-compassion is not passivity in the sense that one never reflects and analyses one’s behaviours and thought patterns. This would imply a lack of self-awareness and without which weaknesses will go unchallenged and unchanged. Self-compassion provides a safe environment in which to reflect and often it is the absence of which can lead to passivity. Oppositely, self-compassion is linked to motivation and individuals should more inclined to make choices and changes in favour of bettering their health.
In conclusion, the benefit of encouraging not only an individual but a societal shift toward one more encompassing of self-compassion can be easily contended. It represents the balanced integration between concern for others and oneself which research is showing to be vital for healthy psychological functioning. It not only de-emphasises the state of self but decreases destructive self-critical tendencies so commonly seen across the board. Building a society in which the belief that all are worthy of kindness and compassion would benefit society in its encouragement of a kinder, less self-absorbed, less isolated and more emotionally functional and supportive environment.
Reference: Self-Compassion: An Alternative Conceptualisation of a Healthy Attitude Toward Oneself by Kristin Neff. University of Texas at Austin. Psychology Press(2003)
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